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I kept my eyes on the steering, wondering when the captain was going to turn the ship the other way. "C'Mon" thought I, "There's not even a hand print on there- take that wheel!"
I became angry, bitter, provoked and hurt to think that he could steer the ship the other way and was reluctant to do so. I even asked time and time again what the plan was to turn it around. Sometimes I got an answer, many times it was just silence.I questioned knowledge, capability and intent of such a leader. I grew impatient, many times acting on a whim, moody, upset sometimes, happy sometimes, then upset again. It wasn't a way to live. Then finally I concluded- "This Captain is irresponsible!" How can I truly trust someone to get this ship to safety if in fact they aren't responsible enough to even want to do it? "Argh!" I complained and complained!!! All the more, my patience lessened. Then as I continued on, making my case against him-I moved closer and closer to a broken glass that had my reflection. I was so shocked to see I was wearing the same badges as he. The hat was the same, and so was the uniform. The broken face and heart in the mirror made it clear to see that I had the wrong person labeled as irresponsible! When in fact, the missing hand print on the steering wheel was mine. All the while blaming him, I was the one who was supposed to steer the wheel. The ship is safe now.
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I've been dealing with my own trash. Realizing how I put myself in a box when I am not transparent. I realized I was in danger when the lie itself was becoming like truth to me- contradicting the word. I have to deal with it, because He desires truth in the inward parts.
The bible says: Gird yourself with truth ( Ephesians 6 vs.. 14) I really don't want to deal with it. God knows the many times I've had to take the low, low road and be humble in the most humiliating circumstances. Sometimes I get tired of it. But I can't take not being close to Jesus so I have to. Anything that hinders my worship, that suffocates my love relationship with Jesus, needs to dealt with. It doesn't matter what it is- whether big or small. Staying close to Christ is really what matters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ-fghqc8Oo #Jesusismydeliver#truthintheinwardparts#takingthelowroadagainLord I just remembered a time when I was" laboring in a pig sty" , due to my own disobedience. My sweet God pursued me with his voice to tell me - don't do that, don't go there, but I went anyway and ended up far more worse than I could have ever imagined.
The hardship, the heartbrokenness and the pain I suffered is possibly something He didn't intend for me to endure. I don't know if I would have ever experienced such pain in life if I had just listened to him ( I guess I would never know , unless He reveals it me). But the part that I glory in, I rejoice about and make noise about, is the redemption. The running of my Father to me once I went through a process of repentance. And yes, I say process, but that's the churning and burning my heart had to go through to experience godly sorrow, confession, owning my mess and then turning away from it. Hallelujah, He reigns, not just in the heavens and the earth, but in the heart of this prodigal girl.. I know when the instructions come from God because of their quiet persistence..when I begin to weigh pros and cons, and doubt and debate enter my mind, I am bringing in an element that is not of God.... concluding that His instructions to me were not right...whatever He says to do, do it. Utmost.org
What is dear?It is easier to serve or work for God without a vision and without a call, because then you are not bothered by what He requires.......What do I count in my life as “dear to myself”? If I have not been seized by Jesus Christ and have not surrendered myself to Him, I will consider the time I decide to give God and my own ideas of service as dear (utmost.org)
I was dealing with some anxieties and my sister recently reminded me what the Bible said about it : Don't be- simply put...don't be anxious about anything! So I'm capturing every thought and putting it in submission to Christ, and silencing my anxieties. God bless you guys... and help me pray for my kick
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Terri LisaGod so loved the world... |
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